1. I wouldn’t let you eat the entire bottle of toothpaste.
Yes honey, I know that grape-flavored toothpaste tastes oh so yummy. However, even though it’s just training toothpaste, I’m pretty sure consuming an entire bottle wouldn’t be very good for your tummy.
2. I gave you the red cup.
I gave you the red cup but you really wanted the green cup because water tastes so much better out of the green cup. Did that make sense? It didn't to me but it’s part of toddler language 101.
3. I wouldn’t let you run into the street.
I understand that you want to get to the park. Still, we need to wait for the little blue man to tell us we can walk.
4. We had to leave the park.
I enjoy being at the park too. There is plenty of space. We meet friends there and the birds eat up all of your cracker crumbs. Yet, there comes a time, when we have to go home, have lunch, and pick up your sister from school. She will want to go to the park too so you know, we’ll just end up back here again in a few hours. Don't look at me like that.
5. I made you put on clothes.
I’m sorry you wanted to run around naked all day, but we needed to go to the store. You’re lucky you live in Southern California. However, it’s still almost winter and getting a bit chilly out there.
6. I wouldn’t let you dump a mountain of parmesan cheese on your spaghetti/pizza/ whatever!
Not only does parmesan cheese have an uncanny ability to settle into nooks and crannies, but a big mouthful could make you choke.
7. I’m trying to make a phone call. You want to talk too.
I know that my conversation with the air conditioner repair man sounds riveting. I can assure you it’s not. If a telemarketer calls, I’ll be happy to let you talk.
8. Your fruit snacks fell on the ground in a sticky puddle of something at the mall. You want to eat them.
Yes, you may believe in the five second rule, but I don’t, especially not at the mall.
9. You want to use the toilet at the same time I’m using it.
I know I’m trying to encourage you to potty train but I’m not going to get off the toilet mid-stream. That could be messy.
10 . There weren’t any car shopping carts at the grocery store.
I realize it’s fun to pretend like you are driving but those cars are popular. Really, it's not my fault. Perhaps, we could talk to the manager about having more than two car shopping carts on the premises.
11. I wouldn’t let you have another cookie.
Those things are really good but mommy doesn’t want you to have any more sugar. I’ll make sure to save the rest of the cookies for later
12. You don’t want to ride in your car seat.
Yup, driving a car IS a lot of fun. However, you can’t ride in the front seat because it’s dangerous and I’m pretty sure I would get arrested for letting you.
13. You want to do it ‘all by myself’
I love to encourage your free spirit and I’m excited you want to be independent. But no, I can't let you put the pasta in the boiling water (all by yourself) because yes, that's dangerous. There are a lot of things that are dangerous. I know, mommy isn't any fun at all.
14. You want to draw on your sister's homework.
I'm excited you want to learn but I don't think your sister wants two big lines and a circle on her math homework. Maybe you can help when she brings home some geometry.
15. I wouldn't give you that.
It may be a steak knife or my wedding ring or my tax return. I'm sorry but you can't have everything you want. Perhaps you'll understand when you get older.
Don't be mad. Just remember that I'm doing all these things because I love you! Soon, you'll forget why you're mad at me and go on being your happy self.