Sunday, October 25, 2015

The 12 Emotional Stages I Go Through After My Kids Break Stuff


Sometimes my kids break stuff. Perhaps, it’s because I let them play ball in the house. Perhaps, it’s because they are wild little monkeys. Perhaps, that’s just life with kids. Even though I hardly have any breakables around the house, my kids still seem to manage to break things.  Here are the 12 emotional stages I go through after my kids break stuff.

Shock


(Huge eyes) OMG!  I can’t believe it.  How can two kids possibly make such a mess while I go to the bathroom?


Fear


No one move!  I don’t want anyone to step on a piece of glass. That would hurt, plus urgent care is a nightmare on the weekends.  Go put on shoes and stay out of this room until you are 18.


Anger


Deep breaths, deep breaths…... I can’t believe you broke that!  You’re going to have to owe me allowance money for the next 50 years….wait I don’t give you an allowance. Hmmm….let me think of something else. 


Remorse


Wait, no, don’t cry, mommy was just kidding. I won’t take your allowance that you don’t even get. If you stop crying, mommy will buy you a unicorn or a mockingbird. Let’s hug. Hugging solves all problems.


Stress


When am I going to have time to fix that?  When am I going to have enough money to fix that?


Sadness


That was the first piece of art I bought after we got married.  I know it’s just a print from Bed, Bath and Beyond that I purchased with a 40% off coupon from Michaels (yes, you can do that). Still, who knows when I will have enough money in my budget to replace it.  Sniff.


Guilt


Well it’s my fault because I’m the one who let you play ball inside the house.  I’m a horrible mother.  I should have taken you to the park to play this morning.  I should have signed you up for soccer this year. 


Denial


Who needs that piece of junk!  I never liked it.  I wanted to re-decorate anyways.


Joy


Oooo...now I can go buy that new picture I’ve been eyeing at Pottery Barn!  It will look so beautiful over the couch with the holes and black tape on it!  Come on kids, I’ll turn on the clean up song and we’ll clean up this mess in a jiffy.


Awareness


Ha ha! That Pottery Barn picture is $300. Besides, I would be really mad if the kids knocked THAT off the wall. I’ll just stick with my cheap wall art.


Confidence


I can fix that.  I’ll just Google how to make a DIY picture frame from an old pallet or some twigs. A little wood glue will make it look as good as new.


Acceptance


(Puts picture back on the wall without frame). It’s okay kids, just keep playing! After all, it’s 100 degrees outside and I don’t really want to brave the fecal matter at the indoor playground…..just be careful!


CRASH!


Oh no, what did you break now?


Have your kids ever broken anything?  What did you do?



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