Wednesday, July 9, 2014

An Open Letter To my Toddler Who Clogged Up my Toilet

Dear sweetheart,

When I told you to go to the potty, I meant to go to the potty.  I didn’t mean you should throw a block and then a bath toy into the toilet bowl.  I know you saw the look of horror on my face as you nonchalantly pressed the flush lever.  But you did it anyways.  

Yes, I know. It’s my fault for thinking you could be left alone for three seconds without getting into trouble. It’s also my fault for allowing a block to be near the toilet. This may come across as harsh but I won’t be purchasing any more small bath toys that can get stuck in a drain. You’re stuck with your giant plastic boat. I’m positive that can’t fit down any drain.  

As of now, the toilet in your bathroom is out of service.  Daddy tried to fix it with some gadget that is supposed to remove things from the toilet drain.  But it didn’t really work.  I really don’t like flushing the toilet, seeing the water come swirling to the surface and then frantically grabbing a plunger while praying the water doesn’t overflow.   I’m wondering how much it’s going to cost to fix.  I’ll make sure to put it on your child rearing tab….not that I’m keeping track or anything.

So what does this mean for you? This means no more peeing in the toilet, and don’t evening think about pooping.  I suppose this is why people have locks on their toilets.  I’m thinking about getting one but I hope it works better than the refrigerator “lock” I purchased.  You ripped that off, in hulk-like fashion, in about five seconds.

Don’t worry, I’m not mad!  Despite the fact that they are home to a bunch of nasty bodily fluids, I understand that toilets are fun. They have water, swirling and a lever, just like your water table. This is why I clean the toilet, a lot.

On that fateful day, I’m also pretty sure you didn’t even use the potty.  Are you holding out for one of those training potties that sings? I used one with your sister so I suppose that’s fair. Perhaps we can buy one that doesn’t work when you pee but randomly goes off in the middle of the night. Oh, the joys of potty training.   

I hope you enjoy sharing one toilet with four other people.  This should be fun.  


Your mom

What interesting items have your children thrown down the toilet?


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